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追念表姐

望断南飞雁 昌达空间 1490℃ 0评论

  牛年那年九月,北风把地里的秸秆吹得沙沙作声,仰望天空,天还是那个天,只是显得愈加高远。我慌不择路,匆匆穿过坎坷的农田,向上沟奔去。当我来到表姐家的时侯,吵声和哭声交织在一起,表姐蒙盖着一条红色的绸缎被,静静地躺在她那一间瓦房屋的土地上,好像沉睡未醒。头前点两支白色蜡烛,流着泪告诉大家,她已经草草地结束了她那短暂的一生!地上蜷缩一位身材魁梧的男人,他头发蓬松,鼻涕和泪水抹满整个脸庞,早已失去往日男子汉的风采。
  表姐大名李清环,生于一九五八年腊月二十九,是大姑的小女儿。表姐命苦,哇哇坠地那时起,恰好赶上三年大饥饿,父亲是实诚的农村党员,只知道辛勤苦干,省衣节食。长兄稳健刚毅,多才多艺,是兄妹们的精神支柱。他为了创造出一番属于自己的新天地,1969年12月10日弃学从戎,远赴四川。哥哥从军保边疆,父亲身体不好,下面还有四个不懂事的弟弟,生活负担就落在了大姐淑清(大妮)和自己的肩上。表姐懂事、勤恳,是出了名的好姑娘,知道父母艰难,日子苦,不挑吃不挑穿,毅然辍学,无怨无悔,巴望有朝一日,大哥功成名就,作为妹妹也就满足了。
  七十年代末期,我搬回河南老家。父亲第一次带着我去看望姑姑,姑姑一家人非常亲热。那天中午,姑姑亲手给我烙油馍,炒萝卜丝。表姐更是善良贤淑,拉住我的手问这问那,一会儿帮我刮指甲,一会儿又忙着给我补衣服,在我的心灵里充满了幸福和温暖。那个年代,经济条件很差,一到星期天就惦记着去姑姑家,那里有表姐的亲切,那里有油馍的软香,总想能够好运来临,再吃上一回那软香起层的油馍。可是,姑姑家人口多,条件差,再也没有吃过姑姑亲手烙的油馍。姑姑家每一顿饭都没有炒过菜,早上和晚上都是玉米糁煮红薯干,稀得能照见人影,只有中午一顿是面条,里面还参有玉米糁和红薯叶。姑姑一家虽然困难,却没有嫌弃过我。
  有人说:人是衣裳马是鞍。然而,表姐从没有穿过一件像样的衣服,但她相貌端庄,身材合中,鸭蛋脸型,全身总是洋溢着纯真和青春的风采。衣裳破旧,但整洁,看上去依然是那么美丽。留给我印象最深的是她那笑盈盈的脸庞,蕴含着无尽的善良,还有那会笑的大眼睛,似乎从末有过烦恼。表姐最喜欢我,每当看见我就笑着揽住我的脖子,像是在关切自己的亲弟弟。同时,我也在她那里得到了亲姐姐的温暖。
  记得一九七九年春的一个礼拜天,表姐特意到马村,谎称带我进城去玩,我非常兴奋,陪她来到城南望城岗村的一户人家里。那家主人非常热情,给我们每人做一碗鸡蛋荷泡茶,表姐只吃了两个,就推辞不饿把碗放在了桌上,但她一个劲让我吃,生怕我没有吃饱。我不爱吃荷泡鸡蛋,坚持吃了三个就不吃了,那家的女主人一个劲的劝说,我怯生地坐在表姐身旁,红着脸低着头,感觉很不好意思没有把鸡蛋吃完。
  不一会儿,从外面进屋一个很帅气的小伙子,和表姐简单客套几句,就出去了。那年我十三岁,还是个模糊的小孩,不注意两人都说些什么。半个小时之后,我跟着表姐出了那家的大门。
  路上,表姐拉着我的手,脸色红晕,低头微笑着问我:“你说他家好吗?”
  我亲身体会那家人很热情地招待了我们,不假思索地对表姐说:“嗯哪,好!”
  表姐对我的回答好像不是很满意,继续说:“后来我和他说话的那个人,咋样?”
  “嗯….嗯,也很好啊!”
  “如果以后姐姐来这了,你来玩不?”表姐笑得非常好看,像一朵盛开的花。
  “你来这?”我有些不解,赶紧又说“来玩!”
  “你来玩,姐就给你做好吃的!”表姐显得十分惬意,眼睛也笑了起来。
  直到后来,才知道表姐那天是去相亲。可是,他们为什么没有成亲,这也许永远是个谜。
  五年前,经我的堂姐介绍,表姐嫁给了同村并不富裕的王**。王**身材魁梧,城府很深。表姐美丽端庄,通情达理,婚后夫妻俩感情一直不错。怎奈老天无眼,婚后二年,表姐一直未孕。受到传统观念的影响,夫妻感情逐渐产生了微妙的变化。
  9月中旬,表姐已经出现轻生的念头,曾问邻居:“如果一个人想死,吃什么药死得快,并且痛苦最小,或者,上吊如何?”遗憾的是,这些话并没有引起丈夫的注意。
  22日晚饭之后,又一次冷战,丈夫夺门而去。表姐性格刚烈,没有生育,羞愧难当。独自茫然倚靠在床头,环顾四壁,形同木雕,想想婆家的冷眼,半年来丈夫的冷落,归根结底,千错万错都是自己的错,一肚子苦水向谁去倾诉?!对大哥去说?一个月前曾对哥哥倾诉内心的苦衷,可是,哥哥是国家干部,义理分明,反而训了我一顿;回家对父母说?不能再给二老增添麻烦……谁能理解我,谁能帮帮我?!美满的家庭被阵阵如刃的秋风无情地撕破,爱情没有了,温謦演变为刺骨的寒凉,自己没有必要再生存下去……绝望之际,表姐带着满腹的委屈吞下了几十片敌百虫,安静地躺在了床上,等待死亡的降临。
  晚上8点多,丈夫回家看到地上丢弃的药瓶,瞥一眼床上深睡的表姐,误认为表姐是在使性。冷冷地站了片刻,转身走出家门,玩牌一直到凌晨2点。回家看到表姐时,已经奄奄一息。由于上沟村距离县城6公里之遥,数人轮换担架,到县城已经将近凌晨4点。可惜,已经晚了,她就这样地走了…….
  院子里的大树上不时地飘落几片枯黄的树叶,盘旋在空中,本不寒冷的秋风让人觉得寒冷,围观的人越聚越多,每个人的脸上都紧绷绷的……
  约莫过了一个多小时,表哥好像从一辆吉普车上下来,匆匆走进院子当中,目睹亲妹妹不明不白的死去,痛不欲生。
  那年表哥33岁,刚刚从部队转业到地方工作,在亲属众人之中威望很高。表哥非常理智,决定“忍辱节哀,宽大为怀,速办后事”的思想。至此,表姐的人生就算画上了一个不为圆满的句号!
  追念表姐,翻开命书,查看她的生辰六字,平地木命。死于天克地冲的乙丑年,难道天克地冲就会死人吗?可惜,现在已经没有人知道她的出生时辰了。

姓名:李清环(小妮)
性别:女
出生地:河南省鲁山县李村
出生公历:1959年2月6日,星期五
出生农历:一九五八年 十二月 廿九日
命宫:己巳  

八字:己亥 丙寅 己未 ?

大运:戊辰(10岁)

流年:乙丑

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